Newsletter - November 2018 - Show Dates + Trip Back to Malaysia + Aircon

Hello newsletter people and new joiners to my list! I’ve had a few new signups from my Comedy Central clip that aired last month, thanks for stopping by!

If you’d like to see me live, I’ll be gigging at a few clubs in London, Bath, Bristol, Nottingham, Cardiff over the next months:

24/11 Bath - Komedia

29/11 London - Top Secret Comedy Club

1/12 Bristol - Comedy Box

14/12 London - Top Secret Comedy Club Late Show

25-26/1 Nottingham - Glee

1-2/2 Cardiff - Glee


I went on my yearly trip back home to Malaysia. I think the Malaysian airlines incident has made me scared of flying now. Any moment of turbulence hits I think to myself oh no this is it! I’m done! And the last thing I’ve done with my life is watch Mall Cop 2! I’ve tried getting drunk before a flight, that doesn’t help either. Oh quick tip, if you pretend you’re going to buy some expensive whisky at the duty free shops in Heathrow airport, they just feed you with free samples. Why start drinking only when you’re in the air?

During a meet up over lunch a friend of mine asked, “Are you getting used to the heat again?” “Not really. Well, it’s not the heat it’s more the humidity”. Everyone else just looked at me confused, “Humidity? What in the world is that?” “Oh you know, the water in the air. It just makes the air feel heavy, you know?” Long pause. And I quickly added, “See, it says the humidity is over 90% in my weather app.” And then I realised what a Western thing to do, checking the weather app! We never really cared about the weather in Malaysia. As far as we’re concerned there’s 2 weather types: raining or not raining. We didn’t need an app for that, just look out the window! Most Malaysians probably don’t even know the iphone has a weather app - it’s usually tucked away on the last screen inside multiple folders.

Also we don’t care about the weather as much because we have wonderful air conditioning everywhere we go. Even the oldest, most rundown cars had glorious air conditioning that you can put all full blast, and what ensues is the most wonderful sound of “PUUUUUUUUHHHHH”. And you’d to shout over each other because the aircon was so loud, “I CAN’T REALLY HEAR YOU OVER THIS AIRCON!”

“PUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH…”

“WHO CARES? WE’RE. REALLY. COMFORTABLE!”

It’s not just the heat. Malaysia takes rain to a whole different level too. Drizzle? None of that weak shit. We’d have these huge thunderstorms. Sometimes it rained so hard with lightning so severe that my parents would unplug our electronics because the lightning would fry them otherwise. That’s how you knew which things in the house were important to us. Computer? Unplug. Rice cooker? Unplug. My brother’s playstation? Nah just leave that in that’s not that important. I feared thunderstorms as a kid. The crack of thunder would just be too sudden, too shocking, and although you could tell one was going to hit when you see a lightning flash, it still never prepares you. When people in the UK tell me, “Oh it’s pouring down!” I always think to myself oh you haven’t seen nothing yet. Has your fuse box been fried? Has it rain so hard you lost reception on both your TV and cellphone?

Moving to the UK was the first time I’ve heard anyone describe weather as mild. There was nothing mild about the weather back home. It was aggressive and out to get you. So in an attempt to spite nature and its unbearable conditions we’d build these GIANT malls filled with cutting edge air conditioning units. Malls so big that you could get lost in, comfortably of course. The biggest mall in Malaysia is probably bigger than the size of London’s Soho (don’t quote me on this, never really measured it, I just felt more tired walking through a mall in Kuala Lumpur than I did walking through Soho). They’re so big I’m surprised nobody’s invented GPS for them yet: “When you see the Apple store, turn right. Walk for 20 minutes and you’ll arrive at your destination: the second Apple store in the same mall.”

It’s funny how your attitude towards heat changes once you live in a place without it. I actually like heat now! Saunas, steam rooms, jacuzzis, the whole lot. That’s a new development for me. It’s hot in Malaysia all the time - I’ve never locked myself in my car and called that a spa day. Just me sipping on an Aperol spritz in the front, seat reclined. Thinking to myself man I’m loving this heat and humidity.

Nigel


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